Tuesday, October 21, 2014

There's A Time To Shine And There's A Time To Eat Free Pizza

Over the summer I worked at a pizza place where the group was basically me, the stand leader and a bunch of junior high kids who i can safely assume will never become CEO's of major corporations. Anyway, the stand leader (we'll just call him Cornelius) said he had to go on an errand and that i was temporarily the stand leader (he would later learn that i struggle in defining the word temporary but excel in attempting hostel takeovers) Here were the 10 commandments to live by if you were to make it as part of my crew:
1. You only get to ask me 3 questions throughout your shift
2. "Mark, can i ask you a question?" counts as a question
3. You must begin each question by saying "Excuse me Grand Master Mark, I didn't mean to interrupt your time of solitary contemplation but..."
4. If you are 5 minutes late, you must do The Bernie while singing Call Me Maybe until i feel you've learned your lesson
5. When i stand up on a table and announce to our guests that it is nap time and everyone is to lay down and sleep immediately, just go with it
6. If you're not under the impression that the Pirates of the Caribbean series got progressively worse with each movie, you can leave
7. You don't talk about fight club
8. ok, you can talk about our secret fight club, but only if you tell everyone I'm the champ
9. When a guest puts a dollar or more in the tip jar, cashiers are to place the guests hands in their own, look them deeply in the eyes and say "thank you, thank you so much." However, if a guest puts spare change in the tip jar cashiers are to say "What do you think this Is an eating establishment or a buncha uniformed, culinaryily inclined hobos looking for beer money?
10. When Cornelius comes back, you decide whose rules you want to follow

No comments:

Post a Comment