Hygiene High Jinks

No shave November is essentially dedicating a month to bad hygiene and uncleanliness. Let’s get something going for the other months of the year!

Just shower once a week January – If you need me to explain this one further please come and see me personally….so that I may punch you in the face. (An early threat of physical violence is the best way to make your reader want to continue reading.)

Five minute flatulence February – At your place of work or schooling, at least one person in the room is required to fart every five minutes

Manicure March (go one month without cutting your fingernails. And whoever does the best Wolverine impression at the end of the month wins a trip to Fuji on me. And if you don’t wanna go to Fuji, tough bananas!)

Anti-Anti-perspirant April (No deodorant use allowed)

Midnight Marathon May (Every Night you must go for a run for at least 5 miles and then go to sleep in the clothes you just ran in)

Jump in a lake with dangerously high bacteria levels and dirty diapers every day June – pretty self explanatory, I’m sure you have a lake like this nearby

Jump in a lake with dangerously high bacteria levels and dirty diapers every day July – Ok, so I was kinda hoping that you guys would be so distracted and impressed by my enhanced vocabulary in that last one because explanatory is a 5 syllable word that you wouldn’t notice I used the same one twice.

Anthotyros in the Pocket August – Anthotyros is a type of traditional,unpasteurized Greek cheese. For the month of August, everyone must carry a block of cheese around in their pocket. To add some fun to the game, anytime anyone uses the phrase “In the meantime…” you must switch your block of cheese with someone else

Squeeze a Hobo September – Go into the city and hug a homeless guy (or girl) every day (a hug is only a hug if it lasts a least 5 seconds. Have the cop telling the hobo to "move along" count it out for you.

Old Milk October – In September, buy a gallon of milk that expires October 1st and instead of using cologne or perfume use a handful of old milk for that entire month. I tried to make it sound like Old Spice (even though that is a deodorant) and now that i explained it you probably find it less funny and those that got it before probably feel ass though I've insulted their intelligence....frown emoticon

Nasal Cavity greeting November – Before you shake someones hand, you are required to pick your nose

“Dude, that’s gross.” December – Tell someone all of these disgusting things that you’ve been doing for the past 11 months and if they say “Dude, that’s gross.” Using exactly those words, then I’ll give you a Fruit Roll Up or something.