Up Close And Personal Trainer

I always hate it when I ask someone how a machine works at the gym and they take that as a green light to be my Up Close and Personal Trainer for the day. It’s like, I asked how to up the incline on the treadmill, I didn’t ask you to tell me about that anatomical magic trick you do where you can make your neck disappear into your chest or if you had butter up your arms in order to fit through a doorway. I know that there are people out there who go to the gym in order to better themselves and gain the handy ability to throw tanks across football fields. I go to the gym to counterbalance the crappy decisions I make elsewhere in life and because the amount of peanut butter I consume is likely clogging up my arteries like a freeway during rush hour. I have come to terms with the fact that in my Ancient Grecian past life, I did not possess the body type that they modeled those statues with the uncomfortable lack of clothing after, but last time I checked we live in a free country where men and women fought for me to have the freedom to walk into a gym, run on a treadmill and cry in peace