The Name Game

I am about to say something that has gotten men slapped, kneed and straight-up killed, more than any other statement. I believe that I have a day-to-day tougher life than most girls out there. Now, put down your sharpened nail files and molten lava throwing blow-dryers for a second and let me explain. I have what you would call a word name (a name that is a word…if you needed that to be explained to you, please discontinue reading, go to your nearest bookstore and purchase “H...ow Not To Be An Idiot, Imbecile and How To In General Get By In Your Daily Life Without Fatally Injuring Yourself For Dummies” and start at page one) Anyway, all of the female word names are really uplifting things like Faith, Hope and Grace. Often times I don’t know whether someone is trying to get my attention or:

1. A pirate is denoting on a piece of paper where his treasure is kept with an "x" because both the lack of education available to him in his day and his excessive consumption of alcohol has rendered his ability to simply remember where he put his treasure pretty much useless
2. A track race is about to begin
3. Someone is referring to my clever sayings as Markism, turns out, Marxism is a crappy economic system
4. Someone in England, Scotland, Germany or Holland is making a monetary transaction sometime between 900-1948
5. A student is trying to enclose certain spoken words that they are writing within quotations from non-spoken words that they are using in a sentence
And if you ever come across someone named John, please take the time to stop and talk with them because the only time people use their name in a sentence is when they have to go to the bathroom