Making A Name For Myself

I started my new job on Wednesday and I was getting introduced to everyone in the kitchen. So basically I was saying “Hi, My name is Mark” a thousand times (because I am definitely not the kind of guy who would have made up a fake name in Sunday School as a young boy and thus make the majority of his church family believe his name is George for several years) and as I shook hands with a certain young man I said “Hi, I’m Mark.” His facial expressions compressed and contorted. ...After several moments of me anticipating the passing of a kidney stone or getting to witness the first male to give birth I asked what was wrong. I assumed maybe he just had a problem with the name Mark, because I have a similar reaction whenever I hear the name Liam. I feel like the first time that happened, it was because a couple wanted their boy named William, but the “W” key wasn’t working at the hospital. And unless you are portraying Jedi Master Qui- Gon Jinn or rescuing your kidnapped daughter halfway around the world, you have no business with that name. He said “There was a guy named Mark who worked here a bit ago and he was a….(the chain of words that followed were not approved by the Puritan authors who write my statuses.) He went on to tell me that whenever a food order gets screwed up or a dish is dropped and shattered, it was known as “Pulling A Mark” (definitely applying superglue to my hands before leaving in the mornings now) Time to make a name for myself! Separate note to all Marks: Let’s Step It Up! If you see this Markian slacker, he is to be terminated! I will not have the name responsible for The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, the hit movie The Other Guys and the 1998 MLB home run record slandered!