Pee For This

 I just got the closest I will experience to headlining a UFC event in my life.

I walked out of Market Basket, got in my car and felt the unmistakable urge that comes with Dunkin Donuts coffee divebombing through my digestive system. I thought to myself "It's a fifteen minute drive, I will be fine." I will admit, I was a bit arrogant given my history of dozens of one stop drives to Michigan giving my bladder an air of invincibility, couple that with my career change into education, I thought I was indestructible. The moment the seatbelt squeezed against my stomach, I knew I had made a mistake. I pulled out of the parking lot and put my winter coat on. If you recall, yesterday was rather warm, but I proceeded to turn the heat on in my car thinking I could sweat out the side effects of my incessant coffee sipping. I don't know if this is how that sort of thing works, I'm not a urologist. However, at the very least I thought that the uncomfortable nature of my environment would create an effective aversion to my current obstacle. I felt like a fighter trying to cut weight. You have seen the videos, where they show a Boston area brawler in a sauna on an exercise bike while wearing a space suit, gobbling down ghost peppers while being shown video of the ball bypassing Bill Buckner as someone whispers "David Tyree" in his ear. I may never know what it feels like to have an undefeated fight record, but my seats remain spotless and at this point that is good enough for me.