It's All In Your Head

Here are five completely made up diseases I feel I suffer from:
1.Psycho-uselessness: Only being able to recall useless bits of information learned throughout your childhood as opposed to remembering what was covered in your Historical Perspectives class just yesterday.
2.Isolated Mirror Muscular Enlargement: Your muscles randomly appear to be excessively larger the day after your workout when you look in the mirror in a room by yourself.
3.The Pre-Pubescent Stair Master: This is when you have a very difficult time growing facial hair, and when you are able to it seems to come in a shade 10 times darker than the hair on your head and thus looks like a moustache you bought at a costume store. Or when it does grow in, it’s very itchy and uncomfortable and thus every time you get a little growth, you are inclined to shave it off and choose comfort over the chance of looking sophisticated. Thus, you are caught in a vicious circle of feeling like your making progress but then being forced to start over. Females suffering from this should seek immediate medical attention
4.Nocturnal Time Travel Syndrome: (NTTS) Going to bed by 11 and feeling like you’ve been asleep for 3 and a half seconds and suddenly waking up at 7 a.m. (swearing or inappropriate word chose may occur upon standing)
5.Slipping Standards Syndrome: (SSS) The feeling that as long as your side of the room is cleaner than or on par with the cleanliness of your roommates’ side of the room, it is clean