Behind the Bars

Not sure if it’s cool to rag on dead people, but something really needs to be said about this Francis Scott Key fella. There were people fighting and risking their lives and you’re contribution is sitting there writing songs instead of trying to find a shovel to dig your way out of there like you’re Stanley Yelnats at Camp Green Lake?! In all fairness, given the amount of sporting events across the nation each year, that song is probably played more times annually than those four songs that are on the radio nowadays. Heck, the multi-million dollar rap industry is practically built on guys talking about being in jail, going into jail or doing things that will eventually land them in jail. So maybe that’s the key to writing good music, a little time behind bars. In which case I say we find charges to put Taylor Swift away for a couple years so that every song she puts out isn’t a piece of crap. Even if we have to make up a charge to get her in front of a judge, like Aggravated Dating or something. Let’s see how talented she really is when there’s a 300 foot brick wall, armed guards and visitation hours separating her from all of the horrible men she’s dated. Taylor here's an opening line suggestion for ya: "My song is a slammin' cell door, sneakin' out past curfew, gettin' zapped with a taser."