Today in the 2nd grade classroom I gave my first spelling test. I went slightly off script so I just walked around the classroom like:
"sister"
"cinema"
"Psychology"
"Tsunami"
"filibuster"
"philanthropy"
"notes"
"knowledge"
"ghastly"
"Gigantic"
"gnarled"
"pneumonia"
It's that special time of year when I will be driving down the road and see an Amazon truck on one side of the road and a FedEx truck on the other and I tightly grip the steering wheel and brace for shots fired.
Unlike Harry Potter, my glasses are more of a rectangle than a circle. Also, the results of my series of surgeries have left me with scars that do not look like a lightning bolt but the scars on my chest more closely resemble that streak of fluffy fart clouds planes leave in the sky. However, I can't help but feel like Mark may not be a muggle as I empty the dishwasher, the most effective strategy for getting the water out of the straws is in fact the "swish and flick" hand motion whilst saying the phrase "wick water lavabamos a me hermosa." While the long-term and internal effects of this spell remain to be seen, it appears to be a mood-altering spell as it causes a happy and otherwise content person to become immediately upset.
I don't do a real Christmas tree anymore. However, I do park outside and given how windy it has been lately every morning as I go to leave about one trees worth of pine and sticks slides off of my roof.
I will never know what it feels like to have the mic snatched from my hands by the emcee at a vicious rap battle, nor will I experience a moderator interjecting as I reach my time limit in laying out my case for office at a heated presidential debate. However, this morning I was leaving someone a voicemail and it just cut out and I was like "Hey, I was still talking!" but then I looked down at the phone and went "Dang, 2:30?!?! I really have got to learn to be more concise 😏😏😏 but would you really expect anything less from me???
Has anyone ever walked from a waiting room to the doctor's office, and it is just like a straight shot? Of course not! Why is it always this corn maze to get your clavicle checked out, a labyrinth to determine why you have that limp and why does every place that practices medicine insist on being a maze?
There is a vision and hair gel requirement that will forever keep out of being a fighter pilot in the United States Air Force. However, I always feel as though I gain a glimpse into that world when a car comes out of a gas station and pulls up next to me at a stoplight having not secured their gas cap. I start frantically signing like their tail is on fire or they have a bandit on their 6 and I'm sure they are thinking I want to race or enlist them as a member of the Wootang Clan or something when in reality I am just carrying on the creed set forth by Maverick in Top Gun "I feel the desire for you not to spill gas on your tire."
