Give yourself one point for each item that applies to you:
1. Born in 1992
2. Born in Detroit
3. C-section birth a month early due to neurological disorder diagnosis
4. Had a shunt implanted at birth to correct flow of cerebral spinal fluid
5. Had a new shunt placed after the initial one malfunctioned
6. Had a subsequent shunt placed after the new one that placed the initial one broke
7. Once had a hospital roommate with hearing issues who would watch The suite life of Zack and Cody at an earth shattering 20,000 decibels
8. Had a different hospital roommate who was involved in the fighting between the Capulets and the Montagues or whatever and liked to call members of the rival family and tell them what he was going to do to them when he got out and how he wasn’t afraid to die and would get super specific about his current location which was incredibly soothing to listen to
9. Have had your dad color in a climate zone map of Africa while you were in surgery because your world geography teacher considered it “essential.”
10. During your first stay at children’s hospital your mother was unaware that the facility was a “teaching hospital” and she walked into your room (while your dad was in the cafeteria) she saw what she described as “a half dozen doctors/nurses at your bedside gawking at her son” and she drove them out like the dear, sweet baby Jesus driving the money changers out of the temple and dad had to go in and apologize on her behalf.
11. Your dad put baby powder in your super comfortable hospital socks and during your first “get up and walk around” you left a footprint trail of white powder causing rumors to circulate throughout the hospital that they had recently admitted Charlie Sheen
12. As a toddler, you were moments away from a nurse giving you a shot and your dad inquired as to what the shot was for. The nurse said “It will calm him down.” And your dad said “Does he look unsettled to you?” And the nurse said “Once we take him away he will panic.” And your dad said “Take him for a walk around the hall.” You and the nurse returned several minutes later and she said “He doesn’t need the shot.”
13. Have had a seizure on Christmas Eve
14. Have had a seizure on New Year’s Eve
15. Spend most/all of All Hallows Eve double checking and triple checking that you have taken your seizure medication that day and just kinda laying low and seeing what happens
16. Have had a licensed neurologist refer to you as “bright and articulate”
17. Have had a Fun World employee call you a “dumb bum” because you said your go cart was broken, but you were just pressing the gas and brake at the same time cuz you were really short back then and had both feet just dangling around down by the pedals
18. Have been getting sutures on your head changed just thinking about the Oreo McFlurry waiting for you in the freezer, but mom was feeling “traumatized that her baby was being poked and prodded” and it was all too much for her and she sought cold, creamy comfort in a McFlurry cup and ate like 90% of it. Sorry for your suffering, mom!
19. Watched an observing nursing student get pale in the face while the dressing on your head was being changed and now every couple of months you wonder if you changed the trajectory of someone’s career
20. If you have ever been extremely disappointed by the conclusion of a book, movie, television show, tweet, snap, post, text, email, Morse code transmission, smoke signal, post it note, follow up email or list, but you learn to accept it because life is not all about you, but you harbor bitterness towards the writers until someone gives you a shot to calm you down
People, you are not going to believe this……
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