Luck: According to sore losers, It's the second leading cause of a heavily favored team losing a championship game right behind bad calls made by the officials. Or in other words, had these things not at all related to athletic awareness or physical performance gone our way, we definitely would've won. I'll tell you what, just score points and don't allow the other team to score and then you're guaranteed a win, mmmkay?
19th century poet and essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted as saying "Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect." So ladies, if a man ever looks at you and says "I am the luckiest man alive"........RUN! The sad excuse of a homo sapien you have slouching before you is not worthy of your time with his false sense of flattery. So, by this logic, the most assuring thing a man can say to a young lady is "Man, I sure am glad that I decided to come over here and talk to you because it seems to have worked out quite well for the both of us" (We may want to give this one some time because I foresee it taking a while to get used to given the initial sense of arrogance it seems to imply). Here are a list of occurrences that are commonly believed to cause or foreshadow bad luck and their optimistic alternate meanings:
Walking under a ladder is typically seen as bad luck. However, this actually means someone will experience a tremendous growth spurt within the next year.
Seeing a healthy black cat in one of the Carolinas means that Carolina Panthers quarterback, Cam Newton. will stay healthy for the entirety of the current or upcoming NFL season. This means he will be making smarter decisions when he scrambles and avoiding big hits and cheap shots.
Stepping on a crack may have given family chiropractors a scare in the past. Today, it just means that over the next year, someone will either experience healing in a severed relationship or take an exotic vacation to another continent.
Ending the life of a lady bug used to be seen as an atrocious act against insects and a milestone to misfortune. Contrarily, if a man kills a lady bug, it is a sign that in the near future, women will find his jokes much funnier and essentially be much less creeped out by his presence. In short, he will "kill it." When a woman kills a ladybug, it is a sign that the female coworker they haven't quite seen eye to eye with on things in the past will become more receptive and open-minded in the upcoming year.
At one time, Swallowing gum was viewed as a hazard to a persons' health and happiness. I am happy to report that the accidental ingestion of Orbit leads to seven years of a substantial rise in discernment and self-control with regards to when people should and should not say certain things. Almost as if something were causing their lips to stick together.
If breaking a mirror is bad luck, then my CR-V is on the highway to hell. Am I partly to blame for that? Yes. but let's not point fingers here. In some surreal circles, breaking a mirror foreshadows a year of tremendous leaps and bounds made it ones physical health that result in that person becoming almost unrecognizable to those closest to them.
Spilling salt may bring about some bad news in someone's life. My response is that if something may be the result of "first date jitters" at a restaurant, it's probably not a good idea to attach some satanic sentiment to it. If you should choose to believe it, this condiment conundrum may mean that the near future will bring the "offender" a clean bill of health from their doctor with regards to their cholesterol and also, if the culprit is an individual who tends to swear a lot, this occurrence is an indication that "salty" language will flee from their lips.
Given the myth that the moon is made out of cheese and the fact that certain people believe that pointing at the moon is bad luck, it is my personal opinion that pointing at the moon will lead to one year of on-time pizza deliveries, 100% accuracy in the orders people place and even a few miscellaneous discounts.
Opening an umbrella indoors is oftentimes seen as bad luck. Contrarily, thanks to foul-mouthed philosopher, Fat Joe, opening an umbrella indoors is a sign of financial prosperity to come on the home or establishment. An increase in money will "make it rain" on the persons with ownership of the building.
Failing to respond to a chain letter is believed to be bad luck. However, as you continue to read, you will be informed that not responding to a chain letter is actually a predictive precursor for someone to start their own successful business and thus not have to answer to anyone.
So there you go! For those of you who want positive news and don't believe random sightings or circumstances dictate what the future has in store for them, there are a few alternate meanings to bad omens. Those are your "unlucky charms."
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