Given the "everybody gets a trophy" era we currently find ourselves in, I've decided to loose another dangerous thought that's been rolling around in my head for weeks and unleash it on the internet. I believe that men should receive figurative or real badges, like the ones from Pokemon, in their teens and early 20s for doing things that propel them into manhood (Badge One would probably be to stop referencing things like Pokemon).Tonight I will be earning my Cook Steaks on the Grill badge.
I can't wait! I'm currently riding a tidal wave of testosterone this week as I've already earned my Drive Somewhere Without Stopping For Directions And Get Within A .4 Mile Radius Of Where I'm Going But Then Drive Around In Circles For A Half Hour badge, the all-important Blast "Single Ladies" While I'm In The Car By Myself Then When I Stop At A Red Light And A Car Pulls Up Next To Me And This Old Asian Woman Glares At Me Disapprovingly Wondering How When She Was A Little Girl In Beijing Her Dad Could Have Referred To This Ludicrous Person Filled Landmass As The Land Of Opportunity , Then I Switch The Radio To A News Talk Show And Nod My Head And Stroke The Pitiful Growth Of Facial Fuzz That Has Accumulated Under My Chin After Four Days Of Not Shaving badge. Lastly, the Stand In Front Of The Guy At The Gym Who Has Clearly Mistaken The Pec Fly Machine Used For Exercising For A Park Bench Used For Lounging And Talk To Him For Several Minutes About Various Muscle Groups Which I'm Pretty Sure That The Both Of Us Are Completely Making Up, But Through All Of This Gymenese Biceptual Banter The Message I'm Really Trying To Communicate Is Get Your Social Butterfly Butt Off Of The Machine So That I Can Finish My Workout badge. Coincidentally, I have just earned my Tell A Story And Completely Forget Where I'm Going With It And Thus Make The Tale Twenty Minutes Longer Than It Needs To Be badge about 60 years before I had planned to get it.
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