Save The Date

While I was in school, I was always more interested in English and Social Studies classes. Mostly because the application of what I was being taught in math class always seemed to reference Dust Bowl farmers or trapeze artists and the necessity for them to have a great knowledge of angles. I believe we should be taught multiplication, division, addition and subtraction, that’s it. I will admit to a little bias because my dad got me interested in American history at a young age. But you know what? That interest has enabled me to walk Pickett’s Charge (well, run because ¾ of a mile seems like a 10K when you need to pee and your bladder is weighing you down like a military pack) I got a week excused absence from school to go to Williamsburg, Virginia as long as I promised to dress in Colonial boy garb and create a video documentary explaining the everyday life of someone who lived in 17^th century Williamsburg. At one point in time, there was video of me playing Hoop and Stick (based on how the game is played, I imagine that this activity lead to familial arguments very similar to those resulting from today’s text-immersed teens bumping into their parents in the hallway.) There was also footage of me learning how to load a colonial musket. I was told that a well-trained soldier could load and fire a musket three or four times per minute. The five minute video lasts longer than my life as a member of the Colonial Regulars would have. However, in a very sad and completely accidental fire, this footage of me and all of my brother’s action figures were destroyed.

The question that seemed to be asked most often on test day in social studies class was “Are we going to need to remember dates?” Asking this question is like asking if you will need to remember numbers for your math test, yes. At least this should be the case. While yes, remembering dates is tedious and seemingly unimportant and I will readily admit that the content of the Magna Carta has not yet played a vital role in my life as an adult, it is a skill that will serve you well later in life, especially for those men who want to become a successful boyfriend and eventually, husband. I don’t want to freak anyone out, but I’d like to disclose the practical application of what I am talking about in the form of a pop quiz:

Question One: When did you and your wife go on your first date?

Question Two: When is your wife’s birthday?

Question Three: When is your anniversary?

Question Four: When is Mother’s Day? (If you didn’t answer questions 2 and 3 correctly, odds are you can skip this one)

Question Five: What day of the year do you and your wife have your biggest fight? (Here’s your freebie, it’s April 18^th)

Question Six: When is Valentine’s Day? (Yes, it’s one of those holidays that’s on the same date each year)

Question Seven: When is your mother-in-law’s birthday? (In most cases, June 6, 1944 is not an acceptable answer)

Still don't think dates are important? If you wish to be a successful husband, I suggest you make a concerted effort to change how you view the importance of date recall. For those of you who couldn’t answer all of these questions correctly, please give Michael Vick my best and prepare yourself for a night with the couch and a date which will live in infamy.