My world is absolutely shattered.
(Don't worry, it's fine.)
I went out for coffee with a few friends this morning. After placing the order, we sat down at our table. Seated across the establishment from us was a young lady sitting and eating a breakfast by herself. No judgement, it just catches the eye like someone bowling by themselves or seeing someone on a single side of a seesaw. My friends and I sipped our coffees and enjoyed conversation. After some time, she cleared her plate, wiped her table and threw out her trash. She then returned to the table and not a moment after keister had hit cushion some oblivious beast approached her, and they shared a tender embrace and took a seat at either side of the table. After leafing through the menu, he ordered his breakfast burrito wrapped in a waffle with Cinnamon Toast Crunch sprinkled on it and she got a friggin' fruit bowl and a water! I have seen behind the scenes movie footage; I saw the broadcast as a newscaster and cameraperson brought us through El Chapo's elaborate escape tunnels. I know that certain shipping companies in the upper hemisphere are not run the way I thought they were. Nothing has blown my mind more and I will never look at life the same after this! I wanted to run over and be like "Don't do it, bro! She is lying to you!" Ladies, I don't want you to "fix it", I just wanted to feel heard, and I appreciate you allowing me that space. Gents, the reason she takes forever to get ready for that reservation for two at 6 is because she has to get back home from a reservation for one at 4.
While this goes against every instinct in my "comedic corpse" I would like to state for the record that how I actually feel about this is that it is a shame that we live in a society where pressures have caused 50% of the population to feel the need to disguise the basic human demand of food consumption.
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