Golden Oldies

I just learned that the women in my grandfather's apartment building absolutely love him and would you like to know why they're drooling in their dentures? It's because he has a full head of hair! At 26, that's really frustrating because women my age are looking for a guy with a PhD., abs and the DIY wherewithal to build a refrigerator out of cardboard, aluminum foil and an oscillating fan. It is comforting to know I can go to the senior center, flaunt my follicles and have any Edith, Eleanor or Edna I want.