An Anthology of Antiquated Expressions and the Millennial Response

Inventions and creations improve and advance ourselves and our society in many ways. This ever-evolving environment has given way to new modes of transportation, electronics capable of instantaneous information transfers and a immortalized internet image of Boromir from Lord of the Rings gesturing to everyone to tell them exactly how much money I have in my bank account. As the world has changed, there has been a variation and evisceration of the vernacular used in everyday conversation and communication. Here is a list of the top 10 Antiquated Expressions and the Millennial Response

1. Balance a Checkbook - In instance in which an individual extends their laptop or cell phone in midair, firmly grasped with both hands, praying to the gods of Google and Pokemon Go that they don't drop it
2. Dial Tone - The frightful phenomenon in which someone's voice on a cell phone sounds like Liam Neeson posing a threat
3. Ditto - Once used a term of being in agreement or understanding is now simply viewed as one of the most elusive creatures in Pokemon Go, outside of attempting to lure in one of the legendary Pokemon
4. Burn A CD - This expression is used to describe someone who finds an old CD they used to listen to and then realize that they have the whole collection of songs downloaded on their IPod. In order to appease their insatiable appetite for arson, they throw the now pointless pile of poly-carbonate plastic into a fire
5. 411 - This is a phone number people can call for what we will refer to as "First World Emergencies" like if someone's cell phone is about to run out of battery or if anyone didn't like the weeks' episode of "House of Cards" or "Orange is the New Black", they can call this number and have an operator on the other end ready to remedy the situation or just lend an ear to an outrageous alternate ending. This number was used because while these situations still need to be addressed, they are only about half as important as actual emergencies.
6. Pound Sign - When a friend or acquaintance horizontally extends a closed fist, initiating their intention to engage in a greeting known as a "fist bump" or "pound."
7.   Roll Up a Car Window - This is for when a group of mischievous Millennials choose to cover the car of a close friend or distant enemy in an even layer of toilet paper. An essential element of this undercover operation is too completely coat the windows of the vehicle in Cottonelle so that bath tissue barrier does not allow the victim of this automobile assault to see the dead bird or squirrel that has been laid to rest on the backseat.
8. Fax - Things universally accepted as truth. 
9. TV Guide - That person who hogs the clicker or remote or whatever everyone prefers to call and is a dictator of the direction digital entertainment, forcing family members and friends who are not in agreement on the selected show to watch what they want on one of the other three TVs in the house or on a high-tech handheld device. 
10. Billow - A soft, triple fiber, handcrafted, specially formulated, flexible, dual-use, organically grown pillow containing no GMOs, added sugars or artificial flavors, used at the work desk that has magical medicinal powers when it comes in contact with a bad back or bunions on the feet. Pick up a Billow today!