Scales of Justice

I remember the first time I ever burned myself on the stove. I was only just tall enough to lay eyes on the brightly colored burners. We had some family friends over to the house and after dinner was over we made caramel apples. I remember being absolutely transfixed by the spiraling scorchers, they looked beautiful and the smells from the oven that night had played a promising precursor to a mouthwatering meal. I had to know if this alluring illumination felt as good as it looked. It did not. Like a moth drawn to a flame, my toddler self was mesmerized only to be mutilated. I wailed and cried and took away all of the attention and genuinely ruined everyone's evening, but you know what I never did again? I never laid my phalanges on the fantastically lit and ferociously fiery stove top. I had learned a valuable lesson. That is also why apples terrify me to this day.

I was in the grocery store and I saw this woman carting along while looking down at her phone, probably checking in on what's going on at the house while she's not there to keep order or possibly receiving a 3rd request from her children for some cereal with massive amounts of this white powder dumped on top of it which causes her children to run around the house like wild animals. leading me to believe it's not just sugar in there.

Anyway, she's looking down at her phone and doesn't see that she is approaching one of those baskets used for weighing fruits and veggies and crap. For an instant I thought "Oh no! Look out!" but unfortunately, this conflicted with my general sense of evil inquisitiveness which thought "Huh? I've never seen what happens when someone plows into one of those baskets before."

I'll tell you what happens. She looked up with this absolutely terrified expression on her face and then once she realized she hadn't run into a human being with feelings and objections she just batted the thing away like she was playing Tetherball.

I was happy that I got to be there for a moment of personal growth in this woman's life, because just as Ra's al Ghul taught billionaire Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins, I'll bet that woman will be more mindful of her surroundings from this point forward. I also had my own personal epiphany, Fruits and vegetables are dangerous people! My box of Pop Tarts has the weight written right on it and I knew exactly how much soda was in the two liter bottle of Diet Coke I bought. Stay safe and stick to purchasing these things.