This morning I approached a crosswalk and saw a woman waiting for the walk light. I made the recommended two seconds of eye contact as if to non-verbally communicate "Howdy stranger, I see you there and I'm not going to bump into you nor am I a threat." I stopped at the crosswalk and she immediately walked over to the other side and waited there. I did a quick stretch and sniff to make sure everything was OK and it was. I now have two theories:
I am a burly, brawn intimidating young man who appears to have the capacity to explode into red hot rage at any moment which can be set off by something as simple as an annoyingly long traffic light and thus bystanders should maintain a certain circumference of safety
I give off the vibe of being that creepy old guy sitting next to you on the plane that wants to tell you his life story and this woman is clearly too cool for that and she'd much rather spend those 30 seconds mentally preparing for that AARP sponsored rap battle she has to go to tonight.
Listen lady, I did over 200 hours of community service in high school, I hold doors open for people and I occasionally will wave on a car that is turning when I am going straight so quit being so judgmental
In closing, I was recently informed that women do not fart, they "fluff." (which to men kind of sounds grosser, but whatever.) So based on the abnormal amount of city smell that accompanied her departure, I fear that I was a victim of a maneuver which shall henceforth be known as the "Fluff and Flee."
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