Do Not Follow

Am I the only one who's really creeped out by the construction vehicles with signs that say "Do Not Follow" on the back?

 I have certainly had my fair share of close call collisions because I sped up to the car in front of me to get a closer look at a sticker that ended up saying "Watch Out for the Idiot Behind Me" but the "Do Not Follow" sign has been the bumper bauble that has repetitiously and relentlessly captured my attention.

Comedian Demetri Martin once said "a bumper sticker is like a sign that says hey, let's never hang out." So, if the main thing this truck driver wants me to know about him during our brief exchange of fossil fuels and fingers is that he is not to be followed, I have developed several theories as to what these vehicles might be trying to communicate to us via their little trunk trinkets.

1. It is simply a motivational bumper sticker reminding those people trailing a tractor trailer to traverse treacherous terrain with the traits of a totalitarian, reminding them to lead and not follow in others footsteps.

2. These vehicles serve as the storage and transportation agents for children's Christmas gifts. With the knowledge that childhood patience is at an all-time low because of  fast food drive-thrus and same day shipping, it is a commonly held belief that many children will scour their homes like some deck the halls DEA raid team in the hopes of an early unearthing of their late December despoil. In an effort to thwart these preschoolers plans, gifts are stored in these trucks hiding in plain sight 364 days out of the year.

3. The truck is a member of the Acapulco arm of the Autobots organization and the statement "Do Not Follow" serves as a suggestion to fellow drivers sharing the road with them based on the mutual understanding that this trucks diet consists mainly of Quaker State and Quesalupas and traveling behind it would be like pacing back and forth in a high school boys locker room

4. The sign is a polar opposite to the "How's My Driving" sticker and alerts other drivers of people such as myself with visual impairments that can make driving a bit more of a challenge and result in some maneuvers that give off the impression of being drunk when in reality there's just a moderate mix of fear and anxiety and the sticker says "Do Not Follow" just because "DON'T JUDGE ME!" would sound far too whiny

5. The sticker reminds those travelling with small and impressionable children that the driver of the truck is most likely a trucker, someone who possesses the linguistic skills of a parrot and the word choice of a platinum-selling Rap artist and unless people want their son or daughter repeating these newly discovered dialectal gems later on in the company of family and friends, they best steer clear of the communication breakdown lane that comes with traveling too closely behind a trucker.

Those are just some theories and thoughts that I have regarding the rear-facing reprimands that we come into contact with on the roadways and if you'd like to believe one of the aforementioned ideas or further pursue its validity that is now up to you. However, if you are against the notions that gaseous galactic robots are now among us or an overweight senior citizen who's only known to work one day out of the year spends his entire off-season driving around protecting his stash, well then you and your thoughts are welcome to adhere to the advice of Fleetwood Mac and go your own way.