I am unfortunately the kind of person who has been cursed to have an onion-like effect on the eyes of an infant the second anyone has invited me to hold their baby.
Over the Fourth of July weekend, while I was at a BBQ, a family introduced me to their little boy whom they had just adopted from Latvia. Without hesitation, he climbed up onto my lap, turned his head and gave me a Gerber baby cute smile. I remained absolutely motionless, as if watching a pelican in its natural habitat while on a trip through the Everglades.
My dreams of future fatherhood were quickly dashed as he farted, laughed hysterically and ran away
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