If the Shoe Fits

I have sank to a new low in my life.

I looked at the shoe rack in my basement and came to the horrifying realization that I can no longer count the pairs of shoes I own on two hands as I am now the out of control owner of 11 different pairs of footwear. I can blame part of that on my move to the city as having trash pickup made it necessary to have a pair of shoes I could slip on and off. My job also made it mandatory to wear a pair of slip-resistant shoes (judging by the effectiveness of these, I'm guessing they tested them out by having a tightrope walking Buddhist Monk Black Belt put them on and walk across some pavement that someone had spilled some water from a pipette onto......"yeah, they're good.") I also have a pair of running shoes that haven't been touched since high school, but are there to look good in case company shows up. Otherwise, they serve as a "Remember your non-lazy self?" on a shelf. Undoubtedly this admission of guilt has split people into one of two camps, neither of which bodes well for me, because right now you are either thinking "HA! LOSER!" or you have the attitude of any of the anabolic enthusiasts with a work schedule that causes them to share a gym time slot with me as these people have a tendency to look at my greatest athletic efforts and think "aw, that's cute."