I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I am responsible for pretty much every famous quote ever. Here are the quotes and the context in which I had originally intended them to be used:
"That's one small step for (a) man, one giant leap for mankind."
- Pretty much any time I get out of bed without hitting the snooze button
"Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction."
-Driving around in circles in Boston for an hour and a half trying to make sense of the people, places and things
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
- Psyching myself up thinking I could totally sit through "Truth or Dare" in theaters even though myself, my friends and everyone in their seats knows that I'm going to end up crapping my pants at least twice
"I didn't fail the test, I just found one hundred ways to do it wrong."
- Trying to justify and weasel my way out of a bad grade in a Philosophy class by using that whole "The question is more important than the answer" crap against them
"We become what we think about."
- When I tell myself I'm going to go to the gym and then I realize how good it made me feel just to have the thought so I figure I will save the environment the catastrophe caused by the emissions released from my car while driving over there and still feel satisfied by the idea of me going to the gym
"To be good, and to do good, is all we have to do."
- In 1st grade, my teacher had to hastily step out of the classroom and take a phone call so sure turned to me, being the only kid sitting in the front row like a good little doobie, and said "Mark, you're in charge." I turned to my classmates and got the statement above out just before tape was placed over my mouth, I was shoved to the ground and general chaos ensued.
"Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
- About one week after the above incident, my class celebrated Valentine's Day and I got to hand out cards to the giddy and grotesque girls in my class. My ratio of recipients was that of a beggar on the street, most people walked by or looked the other way and the ones that accepted my envelope of ambition just felt sorry for me.
"When you cease to dream you cease to live."
- In math class, we stayed on scatter plots and box and whisker long enough to make someone want to plot out a few plans of their own. My classmates, myself and my conscious mind gravitated away from the material and one day I drifted off to sleep only to hear my teachers' booming voice "MARK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I quite appropriately responded with the words above as I had certainly felt that my life was in jeopardy.
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough."
- Too often in life, I've sat for 90 minutes listening to someone tell me about a 30 minute show (including commercials) and this approach is a real shot in the foot because any hope of me now wanting to sit through this program, seemingly with the plot of the Penrose steps, is completely and utterly dashed. I've said this and later found out that the other person had not even explained their way up to the first commercial break yet.
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
- In all fairness this one wasn't me and it may not be a direct quote because my dad was speaking through a crackling Walkie Talkie. My family had gone on a hike and my mom made the mistake of allowing me to have two sandwiches for lunch when we got to the peak and my father made the mistake of charging ahead down the mountain. I picked up the pace, but soon realized that the digested deli meat was going to reach its final destination long before I did. I grabbed my Wakie Talkie and exclaimed "What should I do?!" My eyes darted around looking for the most lavatory-like landscape and my gaze turned to locate the seemingly softest leaves. On the other end, in the unmistakable tone of desperation, but imminent defeat my dad said "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
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