Identity Theft

I recently went through the traumatic experience of having my identity stolen. Not in the traditional sense like when someone steals a credit card and makes a bunch of fraudulent purchases. No, no, no. This was far more sinister. This person looked me right in my face, served me and then proceeded to make a false assumption about who they thought I was as a person without making any sort of information-gathering inquiries whatsoever!

Now, before I go any further, allow me to inform you that I, Mark Woonton, am about to complain about something that I probably have no business being upset about, like when a teenager complains about "the struggle" of having a cell phone on 1% battery life or not having anything good to eat in a fridge and pantry full of food.  

I recently had someone at Starbucks spell my name with a "c."

And I get that given the fact that there's only one way to "misspell" my name I should count my blessings and shut the heck up, but you and I both know that that's not going to happen.

When it comes to spelling Mark, can we all just admit that K is the right way? (a great slogan for this campaign).

Mark is a book in the Bible, Mark is how Mark Wahlberg spells it. My problem isn't so much with any Mark who happens  to spell their name using a letter that is a copycat and counterfeit as much as I take issue with all that "C" stands for. People need to remember that every kiss begins with "K." Whereas "C" is responsible for starting off the  relationship death sentence "Can we talk?" "C" is also the first letter of the word that someone will use as an excuse to end things in a relationship when you are clearly  not the problem, this ex-creating excuse being the busyness of their Career. 

The letter "c" leads us into the worst kind of words like crime, calculus and colonoscopy. Whereas "K" kicks off awesome things like Kraft macaroni and cheese, Karate Kid and Kayak.com, your one stop shop for travel pricing. 

The letter "c" isn't even sure how it wants to sound and if you don't believe me just check for crap on the ceiling.

And I know, I know, I KNOW the letter "K" can sneak up on us like a knight with a knife but more than anything it just bothers me that he didn't take a second to come down from his cloud of caffeinated craziness and ask me how to spell my name.

Again, I'm aware that I have no right to complain given the pronunciation Powerball of odds that some people go through with more unique names and spellings, but because this is such a rarity for me, the impact hit twice as hard. While I will never be able to fully understand the pain of inaccurate identification, i can know empathize with care, compassion, but most importantly of all, kindness.