Media Censorship

"Put it on your Christmas list" and "Put it on your birthday list."

These two statements round out the top four things I most frequently heard from my parents while I was growing up. The other two, quite contradictorily being "I love you" and "you're grounded." I found out at an early age that screaming and crying in order to get what I wanted rarely resulted in the desired outcome for me and most likely just gave me sore lungs and a hand-print on my backside. Unfortunately, having a summer birthday meant that from January to July and July to December, I was foaming at the mouth over fads and was left mesmerized over meaningless merchandise because as a child, you are able to differentiate between "wants" and "needs" about as well as your grandparents are able to explain the functionality upgrades between the iphone 6 and the 7.

I remember the first "big purchase" I ever made. There was something that came out in 2002 that I just had to have. Hip Hops' pasty white, profanity projectile poster boy. Eminem, had just released his fourth studio album, The Eminem Show and I knew that in order to keep within the cool kids circle of the elementary school of southern New Hampshire, this CD was a must-have. Seeing as though my parents leniency for money lending was about equal to the banks in communist Russia, I asked if I could do some extra work around the house in order to earn the money. After several days of chores, I had earned enough money to go and buy the CD on the strict stipulation that I buy the edited version. Was it worth it? No! Here's a tip, if you want the experience of listening to an edited rap CD without spending the money, drive into the city and just roll down your window, because the two elements that create clean versions of rap songs are angry yelling and beeping. And just to knock my internet illiterate parents off of their morality mountain for a second, do you know who gets the money when someone buys an edited Eminem CD? He does! So quite drinking Diet Coke and acting like you're so much better than everyone else! Does this not make sense to everyone now? OK, great.

I was so excited when I got the notice from the post office saying that my CD was ready to be picked up. I immediately popped the CD into the CD player in the car and allowed myself to become immersed in the soothing songs of the streetwise Dr. Seuss. However, this momentary mountaintop moment of Michigan musicianship was brought to a screeching halt about ten seconds into the first song as myself, my mother and anyone within a ten mile radius realized that, for whatever reason, the CD we got was not edited. My mother did the logical thing and began yelling at me, echoing some of the disallowed dialogue I had just heard in her displeasure. For whoever happens to be reading this, I'm sure words that you would associate with me currently are silly and sarcastic, but I would like to add a third "s", that word being sincere and say I PROMISE you I ordered the edited version and for my mother to get angry at me in this instance is kind of like being stuck in a traffic jam 20,000 cars deep and beeping at the person in front of you. I was just as upset as she was, because I knew that for me, restitution for this rap CD meant another week of chores and another trip to the post office.

Media censorship can be a hot button issue, especially in countries with freedom of speech and freedom of the press saying that a government can not interfere with ones opinion whether it be spoken or in a printed source. Historically, the Espionage Act of 1917 prevented negative articles about the government from being printed during wartime, but today, if I choose to say something like red apples are the best and that the sinful, sour apple that brought about the downfall of all mankind in the Garden of Eden was most definitely green, you may disagree with me, but I can still say it. The reason why media censorship is so hotly debated is largely because the words or acts that people find offensive are largely based on our own personal experience. While we can all agree that the fact that Kanye West continues to steal oxygen molecules out of the air from conscientious, contributing members of society is utterly appalling, if I were to turn around and say that the 2002 Detroit Red Wings were the greatest hockey team to set foot on the ice, odds are someone, somewhere would have something to say to me about that. They'd be wrong, but they'd defend themselves nonetheless. As I have shown in the example above, even the United States has been subjected to censorship from time to time. Someone with an opinion deciding what can and can not be put on the printed page. I love to write and I have for a long time. If Justin Bieber has taught us anything, it is that the more people you reach, the more people are inclined to dislike you.  Beliebe it or not, I myself was once told that a written work of mine was offensive, injurious and ultimately outlawed and I'd like to share that story with you.

It was January of 2001 and my second grade class had just begun our science unit learning about Antarctica. I don't know whether my teacher wanted to welcome in New England wintertime or if she was just tired of hearing all of us wimpy, whiny brats complain about what was comparably a pinch of precipitation and she just hit a point where she goes "YOU WANNA KNOW WHO HAS IT REALLY BAD??!! PENGUINS!" but that was the way it went.We learned about the penguins consumption of krill and the subsequent repulsive regurgitation and re-consumption of that same krill by the penguin babies. We also learned that during their trips to and through the Antarctic ocean, penguins had to be leery of any lurking leopard seals looking to make a meal out of any of these particular flightless fatties. We learned that male penguins would court a female by presenting her with a pebble, which presumably is where Jennifer Lopez got her inspiration for the line "don't be fooled by the rocks that I got."

As we closed out the unit in April (at which point we were hoping to say goodbye to the snow as well) the class was assigned a paper in which we had to use facts and vocabulary that we had learned over the past few months. For my assignment, I decided to write a story about my friends Cameron, Zach, Gabe and myself as penguins. I incorporated information about the penguins diet, community life and the dangers that penguins face. In general, I did everything that was asked of me and then some because my story involved a fast-paced penguin chase scene where we are being pursued by a leopard seal. Sadly, Cameron did not make it back to icy land at the chilling conclusion of my tale.

If you're asking yourself, how much is a penguin life worth? The answer to that question is a letter grade and a half because the teacher gave me a B on my paper as if she were questioning the legality of what I did more than the literary decision and I had gone down there myself with a sniper rifle and a scope to take him out. My teacher told me that I had to change the ending because Cameron was upset that he got killed off, but all four foot nothing of me stood by my work and I said "Well, maybe if Cameron was a better swimmer he would have made it!" Along with the letter grade, my teacher had written a comment saying "Did Cameron have to die? :(" Yes, yes he did. I portrayed the perils of penguin life and refuse to conform to this or "Happy Feet" happily ever after shown by the media. Listen folks, in Top Gun we lost Goose and every now and then we are going to lose a penguin.