Naked Guns

There is a topic that i feel needs to be addressed and I hope to offer new insights into this problem. The issue is the casual attitude towards long periods of nudity in the local gym locker room. Two days ago, I was rounding the corner of the Men's locker room with not but a care, but to my absolute shock, a naked old man was standing right there (Poetic Bonus!) and why is it always an old guy? Not that I would like it if it were Channing Tatum or Taylor Lautner or something, but why are the worst nude offenders always like 642 years old.  Listen, I appreciate you preserving our freedom in the War of 1812 as much as the next guy, but please put some clothes on! Mankind had its unrestricted nudity privileges removed for eating an apple and so long as places like the Cheesecake Factory stay in business, I say we count the ability to cover up a bit as a win. I think that gym members should be required to wear a censor on their pants attached at the hip that beeps anytime the pants leave the hipbone. This would do two things. Firstly, it would alert anyone near to you that you are naked and secondly, it would prevent gang members from bulking up at local gyms. Allow me to explain. Historically, gang members have struggled in three areas: 1. passing the 9^th grade 2.  Not ending a sentence with the phrase “you know what I’m sayin’?” and keeping their pants securely fastened to their hips.  

There! The gym is now safer and you get to keep your lunch down, you’re welcome!