A few days ago, I went to Subway and got the "All American Club" and I said, "Can I get a chocolate chip cookie, too?" He said "OK, your total is $17.76, here's your receipt." I looked at it and said "Ha! I got the All-American Club, and my total was $17.76? That's hilarious!" and he said " Ha! You are probably my favorite customer of all-time! You know, most people wouldn't understand why that is funny." I said, "I don't blame you, I'm pretty flippin' awesome and excuse me, sir but I believe you are grossly underestimating the intellect of the American citizen and I won't stand for it!" He said something in response, but his words were drowned out by the sound of someone attempting to enter the establishment by pushing on a door that said "PULL" across the handle. I stood there thinking "Oh dang, you could be right." I asked if I could take a Zoom call while I was at my table and he said, "You bought something so do whatever you want." Over the course of my life, I have probably said the pledge of allegiance thousands of times. I have voted in every election since I was 18 years old and I have stood at Little Round Top in Gettysburg National Park where the 20th Maine held the extreme left flank of the Union line, but ordering a dessert to bring my spending total to a patriotic price point is the most American thing I have ever done. If you would like to discuss it with me further, I have taken up residence in the Pelham Subway, I will be the guy with two employees under his arm as they attempt to usher me through the door as I shout, "I'm a paying customer and an American, now unhand me immediately!"
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