Gingerdead Man

Today on the radio I heard some DJ say "Up next, we will be discussing how you choose to eat a gingerbread man and what that says about your personality."

And none of the digestive diagnoses were good either. The woman was like "If you go right for the head it means your abrasive and impatient. If you eat the limbs first it means you have self esteem issues and feel unworthy to lead and if you go straight for the buttons you are meticulous and annoying."

Can I ask a question? Is there any aspect of life that can remain unexamined?! Does every activity need to have some underlying epiphany attached to it? Seriously, I'm all for self-reflection, but do I really need to be made aware of what Aristotle thinks about my eating habits? I know my waistline is held together by borrowed time thanks to my lifestyle and lineage and I'm at a point in my life where I fit too comfortably into outfits and elevators to be self-conscious about the way I eat, so can't I just enjoy that a little longer?! Eating a gingerbread man is already weird enough partaking in this candy coated cannibalism of consuming something with four limbs and a face. For me, every first bite is accompanied with a fear that I'm going to hear it shout "NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS!!!" can we just leave it there?

I Am Fantasy

I take my dog out around 5 a.m. every morning. Which typically means that the only active things in my neighborhood at that time are he and I and the streetlights. It is quiet and peaceful and also has given me inspiration for a movie about a man and his dog struggling to survive in post apocalyptic Nashua, New Hampshire. The film was accidentally released with what was meant to be a joke title, “I Am Fantasy.” While he is indoors, Sammy has the ambition of a Saturday morning adolescent at 8 a.m. However, on walks I tend to let Sammy roam around a bit. A while back he started to walk toward a seemingly harmless, small shadowy figure. As I got closer, I noticed the creature was black with a single white stripe, a skunk! All inquisitive little Sammy was thinking was “We’re Going to be Friends” (as much as I hate to explain jokes, I put that in quotes because that is a song by The White Stripes.....HA! Get it?! My sincerest apologies to anyone who already got the reference 😔) I scooped him up like a loose football and guided him back towards the house. Needless to say, but I almost didn’t even need a morning coffee after that stinky scare. Lastly, I’d like to address that I am absolutely onboard with the irony here of grabbing Sammy away from a skunk and rushing him into my house given the overwhelmingly negative response that the Yankee Candle people got following the release of this years holiday scent, Bachelor Pad.