Parmesan Cheese

Well, back from the Cayman Islands. Among the items to come back with us were some shells, a few souvenir T-shirts and several unused food items. Among these remaining food stuffs is a bottle of parmesan cheese. Now, to say that this is just a bottle of parmesan cheese is to say that a sumo wrestler is a regulation sized man. I know this to be true for several reasons:

1.       Following the serving size in the bottom left hand corner of the label, there are four exclamation points

2.       At the conclusion of this weeks’ address to the nation, which centered on the importance of childhood education, Obama also stated that if anything should happen to the torch held by the Statue of Liberty on Ellis Island, this particular bottle of parmesan cheese would serve as a viable replacement  

3.       On the bottle where it says Ingredients, instead of listing out the contents, it’s just a paragraph about how the food company put this together as a joke and that you, as a supposedly conscious consumer, should strongly reevaluate the difference between “needs” and “wants” in your life

My family has implemented the following strategy in an attempt to deplete the excessive amount of parmesan cheese we now possess

Breakfast: Cereal and milk topped with parmesan cheese

Lunch: Peanut Butter & Jelly and parmesan cheese sandwich (I’m looking for suggests as to what to call this creation because my thoughts are that there will be great confusion and concern as to the ingredients of a PCPB & J sandwich)

Dinner:  Pasta with meatballs and parmesan cheese

Dessert: Ice cream topped with parmesan cheese

Another thought that I’ve had is to do a Flat Stanley sort of thing, get this bottle traveling around the world and have people journal about their experiences with it:

“Here’s Parchy and I at Niagara Falls”

“Here’s Parchy and I trekking through the Amazon”

“Here’s Parchy and I being detained in Venice because apparently they get super uptight about people bringing in outside parmesan cheese”

Anyway, if this sounds like something you’d like to get in on, please email me what role parmesan cheese has played in your life along with your credit card information, Social Security number and I’d really appreciate an attached video of the Butt Fumble, and we can get this thing going