The MBA Draft

 Stores that have those Now Hiring signs that are like “Come join our team” as if people are going to be like “I want to play a game!” Sure, I’ll join the “team” as long as I get to full speed chest bump my coworkers when we complete a task, throw some/all of the materials I work with at some point and every December there is a widely televised report about several prospects that the company is interested in bringing on and the five people most likely not to be there come January.

Arrest Room

 Everyone should go to Pelham house of pizza, their cheese pizza and meat lovers calzone are out of this world and the following is in no way a defamatory shot at the establishment 

I went to pick something up at PHOP and towards the back of the dining area there is a door with a sign on it that reads “No public restrooms. Please don’t ask.” 

I laugh every time I see it. Why is that a two sentence message? I mean I am all for unnecessary rambling, but why are you getting so defensive? It’s like, this is not a bathroom, some of us don’t even know what is back here and we don’t want to talk about it, ok? 

I have three theories:

1. The door leads to a secret land called Carnia where ingredients are made cheaply and deliciously and they don’t want their competitors to find out about this huge advantage they have in ingredients shipping time 

2. They don’t fire employees, but every month they choose a worst performing employee, tape up their mouth and limbs and throw them in there 

3. There is a Walter White situation, the business is a front and they are cooking more than just pizza 

Again, the food is delicious, you should definitely go there and after you have purchased something, you should get all panicked and wide eyed and please PLEASE ask if they have a bathroom.