Happy Turkey Day.....As Long As You're Not A Turkey

Every time i see a turkey in my yard, i have a sudden urge to grab my BB gun, put on one of those crazy hats with a buckle on it and befriend some Native Americans. I don't know if thats normal, if it's a masculine thing or if i should see someone about this

NostraDUMBas

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great sorrow that I report that the end times are in fact at hand. Scientists have gathered actual evidence this time and I, for one, apologize for the Doomsday false alarms that followed 6/6/06, 2012, the discontinuation of the Twinkie, the series finale of How I Met Your Mother and that two week period of time that coincidentally lined up with my high school girlfriend breaking up with me. But this morning, after purchasing my iced coffee, the straw fell into that empty space between the seat and cup holder and after an extensive search through the old mail, pay stub, Gushers wrappers wreckage, the straw was nowhere to be found. This space is widely believed to be the singularity, or center of the black hole that will eventual engulf all of humanity. So tell your family you love them, go steal an animal from the zoo and tell your mother-in-law how you really feel about her. It's been a pleasure people